What is Flattery?

Flattery is excessive and insincere praise, given to someone with the deliberate intent of furthering one's own interests or gaining favor from that person.

Flattery is a form of social maneuvering or subtle manipulation, unlike genuine praise which is sincere and offered without a hidden agenda.

Psychological Characteristics

Insincerity and Ulterior Motive: The defining characteristic is the deceptive intent behind the words. The flatterer is not motivated by genuine admiration but by a strategic goal (e.g., a raise, a favor, approval, or to strengthen a relationship for future benefit).

Appeals to the Ego: Flattery works because most people are susceptible to it, as it confirms their desired self-image and provides ego validation. It makes the recipient feel good, important, or competent, temporarily strengthening their self-esteem.

Lack of Specificity: Flattery often uses vague, generalized, and exaggerated language ("You're the best person I've ever met," "You're a brilliant genius"). In contrast, genuine praise is usually specific to a particular action or accomplishment ("I was impressed by how clearly you explained the sales figures in your presentation").

Manipulative Function: Psychologically, flattery is a form of ingratiation—a deliberate attempt to become more likable to another person. It "softens up" the recipient, making them feel emotionally indebted or compelled to return the emotional favor by granting the flatterer's request.

Position of Inferiority/Need: Flattery is typically offered from a position of perceived inferiority or need (social, professional, or material), with the flatterer seeking to reduce the power dynamic or gain resources from the higher-status or more powerful recipient (e.g., a subordinate flattering a boss).

Common Examples and Manipulation Tactics

Workplace "Only you, with your incredible expertise, could possibly handle this new project." To dump a difficult, time-consuming task onto the recipient.

Interpersonal "You have such impeccable taste and style; I just have to get your opinion on this outfit." To get a time-consuming shopping favor or validation.Flattery is excessive and insincere praise, given to someone with the deliberate intent of furthering one's own interests or gaining favor from that person.

Financial "You're so generous and successful, I knew you'd understand my situation." To borrow money without the expectation of timely repayment.

Social "That joke was absolutely brilliant! You should honestly consider stand-up comedy." To win their friendship/approval or to get them to keep telling jokes.