What is Gas Lighting?

Manipulation Tactic: Gas Lighting

Category: Emotional Manipulation

Red Flag Indicators

Gas Lighting is making someone question their own reality, memory, or sanity. is making someone question their own reality, memory, or sanity.

Psychological Characteristics

The effects of gaslighting on the victim are gradual, systematic, and aimed at undermining their most fundamental sense of reality and self.

Reality Distortion: The abuser systematically challenges and denies the victim's recollection of events, feelings, or facts, often with great certainty, causing the victim to doubt what they know to be true.

Erosion of Self-Trust: Constant contradiction and invalidation lead the victim to lose confidence in their own judgment, intuition, and memory, making them increasingly reliant on the abuser's version of reality.

Emotional Invalidation: The gaslighter minimizes or dismisses the victim's legitimate feelings and concerns as overreactions, hypersensitivity, or irrationality.

Isolation and Dependency: The abuser may attempt to isolate the victim from friends and family who might recognize the abuse, making the victim more dependent on the gaslighter for their sense of reality and self-worth.

Cognitive Dissonance: The victim often experiences internal turmoil and confusion, struggling to reconcile their own perception of reality with the abuser's persistent false narrative. They may feel like they are "going crazy" or "losing it."

Common Examples and Manipulation Tactics

Denial/Lying: The abuser flatly denies something they said or did, even when the victim has proof. "I never said that.

"You're making things up." or "That never happened."

Countering: The abuser questions the victim's memory of events.

"You have a terrible memory; you're misremembering what really happened."

Trivializing/Minimizing: The abuser belittles the victim's feelings or concerns as being overly sensitive or insignificant.

"You're overreacting." or "Why are you so sensitive? It was just a joke."

Withholding: The abuser refuses to listen or pretends they don't understand the conversation to avoid engaging or taking responsibility.

"I don't know what you're talking about." or "You're confusing me."

Diverting/Shifting Blame: The abuser changes the subject or turns the tables when confronted, questioning the victim's credibility or blaming them for the abuser's own behavior.

"You're just trying to distract me." or "I wouldn't have gotten angry if you hadn't provoked me. It's your fault."

Using Others: The abuser involves other people, falsely claiming they agree with the gaslighter's narrative or that they also think the victim is unstable. "Even your mom thinks you're being dramatic." or "Everyone knows you're a bit unstable."

Occasional Positive Reinforcement: The abuser will intermittently offer praise or kindness to give the victim false hope, keeping them off-balance and increasing their dependency.

"You know I love you; I would never hurt you on purpose."