What is Shaming?

Rolando Ramos
Nov 11
2 min read

Manipulation Tactic: Shaming

Category: Emotional Manipulation

Red Flag Indicators

Shaming the act of expressing contempt, ridicule, or criticism toward an individual or group making them feel humiliated, degraded, or deeply flawed as a person.

Shame, is a self-conscious, painful feeling characterized by the perception that one's entire self is inadequate, unworthy, or fundamentally bad.

Psychological Characteristics

Self-Devaluation: the feeling that a person is deficient, damaged, or unlovable, making that person feel like they are a "bad person."

Intense Emotional Pain or Paralysis: Shame is an painful emotion that can lead to making the person feel powerless, small, or unable to act.

Urge to Hide and Isolate: The experience often triggers a powerful desire to withdraw from social interaction, conceal the perceived flaw, and avoid the gaze of others (real or imagined).

Hyper-Vigilance: Individuals are more likely to become hyper-sensitive to criticism, rejection, or what they perceive as negative judgment from others, leading to a defensive posture in relationships.

Common Examples and Manipulation Tactics

Public Humiliation: Sharing embarrassing information, photos, or videos of someone online (e.g., cyberbullying or doxxing) to expose them to widespread ridicule.

Body Shaming: Criticizing a person's weight, size, appearance, or physical ability. ("You should be ashamed of how you look.")

Parenting/Educational Shaming: Statements from authority figures that attack a child's character rather than their behavior. ("You're just slow at reading," "Why can't you be smart like your sister?")

Criticizing and Judging: Making derogatory comments about a person's appearance, personality, insecurities, or choices to make them feel inferior and inadequate, thereby securing a position of superiority.

Chronic Blame: Continuously shifting the fault for a problem or conflict entirely onto the victim, often twisting facts or using past mistakes to prove the victim is fundamentally defective or "the reason we keep fighting."

Using Aggressive Humor/Sarcasm: When jokes or sarcastic remarks subtly or overtly belittle the target's ideas, achievements, or self, then dismissing the victim's hurt feelings by saying, "It was just a joke, why are you so sensitive?"

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